All electrified powertrains to be named after type of curry, mild hybrids blamed

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Electrified powertrains are to be named after a variety of curry dishes, following widespread complaints that car-related jargon has become too confusing for the general public.

Industry bosses have quietly been debating the problem for months, but finally settled on a plan last week after a brainstorming session in an Indian restaurant not far from the Munich motor show.

Based entirely on the absurd use of the phrase ‘mild hybrid’ to describe 48-volt technology - and the fact that the CEO who came up with the idea was devouring a lamb Pasanda at the time - hybrids and EVs will be assigned a curry flavour to denote how heavily they use electricity. 

“It’s genius,” said one chairperson, still slightly tipsy from the meeting despite it ending several days ago. “Mild hybrids will become Kormas; that one speaks for itself.

“Full hybrids will be Biryanis: a tad more spice, but still manageable. Plug-in hybrids? Rogan Joshes, of course.

“Then we’ve split battery electric vehicles into three groups, based on range: sub 150 miles is a Balti, up to 300 miles is a Tikka Masala, anything over that is a fully blown Jalfrezi.

“We’re saving Vindaloo and Madras for the future, in case someone invents something truly mind-blowing like hydrogen combustion or nuclear fusion.”

Other denominations will include range-extenders being sold as Bhunas, while rarer stuff like FCEVs will be marketed as Dhansaks.

“We’re still a bit stumped on what to call combustion-engined cars,” the chairperson admitted. “There were a few poppadoms and naans left on the table so we’ll probably shoehorn those in, somehow.”