4D number plates sign of aptitude for Mensa

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The use of 4D number plates is directly linked to extremely rare levels of intelligence and sophistication, a leading think tank has claimed.

A study of 5,000 drivers whose cars bear the so-called 4D plates has found that almost all of them have an IQ in the top two percentile; the threshold for admittance to Mensa.

There also appears to be a strong correlation with absolutely flawless driving finesse, with participants proven to be highly adept at burnouts, shifting exclusively at the redline, and generally driving as though lifted straight from the set of Tokyo Drift but entirely without incident.

Calls are now growing for 4D-plated drivers to be granted immunity from police interference on the road, in recognition of their sheer driving prowess and zero-tolerance approach to both petty and serious organised crime.

A 42-year-old owner of a Mitsubishi Evo VI with embossed plates told TG.com: “One has known for years that the 4D-plated community has been something of an unsung hero within society.

“Only yesterday I held communion with several of my brethren in the secluded section of a Sainsbury’s car park, contemplating the works of Sophocles, Chaucer and the Brontës. A finer gathering of souls you couldn’t hope to find.

“Now if you’ll be so kind, I'm off to Milton Keynes to negotiate my terms to drive for Red Bull in 2025."