If you’re gonna do it... do it

Keep this between you and us, but we think this Q7 V12 - this magnificent whirlwind of sins - is a wonderful thing, which is why we've named it our SUV of the Year.

It's huge and heavy and brash. But it also has a 6.0-litre V12 diesel engine, 'inspired' by the Audi R10 Le Mans racer. That might sound like corporate fluff, and it mostly is, but that doesn't stop it being one of the zingiest, free-revving diesels we've ever encountered. It also has 500bhp and 737lb ft of torque, so it's good for 62mph in 5.5secs. One stab at that throttle deafens you to any eco-based reservations you might have and tingles your nerve endings like a shot of 100 per cent proof vodka.

Only Audi could pull off such a mischievous stroke of evil, counterbalancing this monster with the 3.0-litre 'clean diesel' at the other end of the Q7 range. Corporate conscience appeased, then.

So there you have it. TopGear embraces the ultimate evil. Promise not to tell.